So I came across the most brilliant site/blog I’ve seen in a while, aside from Grammar Girl (which, technically, is a podcast). PeaceBang, a UU minister, has created Beauty Tips for Ministers (http://www.beautytipsforministers.com/). While most people will see this is a makeup and grooming site, there is something that we, as clinicians, can take away from PeaceBang too.
Like ministers, we are in the helping profession. We see a need, and try to fill it. For many of us, our career begins to define who we ARE. Our dirty little secret is that we think about that kid’s reinforcement schedule in the shower. We dream about cool ways to teach intraverbals. Admit it, you’ve done it. In the interim, we’ve forgotten about ourselves, inside and out. We buy clothes not because they look good, but because they can withstand banana and goji berry stains. We can run around in sweats and “sensible shoes” (if shoes at all). Manicures are chipped before they get a chance to dry. Makeup? Forgeddaboudit.
But then we leave work. And we’re still not in full face. Maybe we feel frumpy and not worth the effort, or maybe we justify our look by saying that we’re “low maintenance”. Maybe we’re too tired. Maybe that last necklace broken was the last straw (can you tell I worked with kids with severe behavioral issues for many years?). Our hair looks like crap, and our roots are showing. We are the last thing on our to-do list.
Much of the lack of attention might be shaped by circumstance. Some of it might be personality. People who are fixated on the outside tend to be less effective clinicians. To be honest, a person dressed to the nines on an interview gets knocked down a few pegs, IMHO.
However, maybe taking a little “me time” would help our kids in the long run. A little gloss on the lips before heading out the door would be great – it’ll probably be gone by the time we get to wherever we’re going, but so be it. It raised my confidence to the point where I have a little more energy to give to my child. The fabulous bag might actually end up being a reinforcer. We’re modeling appropriate social behavior when we get to work well-groomed. And some of our kids just need a little nudge to show their fabulous sense of style! I actually had one kid early in my career who told me to go back and get my tips redone. She was right.
But that’s only 1/2 of the equation.
OK, now that we’ve worked on the outside, let’s face that we probably need to work a little on the inside. When was the last time you went to the gym? Did a little yoga and meditation to work off the stress of a 3-hour tantrum? Went to a high-energy Spin class to work off the energy of find that just-right reinforcer? We need to make the time, and if we’re not, we’re going to burn out. The field in and of itself has a high turnover and little balance. It’s the nature of the beast. However, we could be creating that beast ourselves by not taking care of ourselves. Put down the ramen noodles and put in that Tae-Bo tape, for crying out loud!
Sure, these kids deserve 100%. For the hours when you are at a family’s house, that child should have your full attention. In order to do that, though, you need to learn to live in the moment. Meditation, spirituality, and physical and mental balance have been reported to help. I’m still developing my practice, and I’ll talk about my journey and resources that have helped me along the way in the coming months.
Another thing we don’t talk about enough is listening to our “inner voice”. This paragraph will probably draw some ire, but so be it. In ECE and Psych programs, we learn how to interact effectively with families and protect the children. Families and children are paramount. Important stuff. I agree. Absolutely.Families are our priority. However, you will be NO GOOD to anyone if you don’t follow your intuition and don’t take care of yourself. I am a huge believer in following your intuition. If you get that funny feeling, then you won’t be happy in the situation. Chances are you’ll burn out or end up in a pickle. If something doesn’t feel right, SPEAK UP. If you’re getting sick all of the time because you’re working too many hours, SPEAK UP. If you want to work in pairs, SPEAK UP. If you feel like you’re being pushed to your limit, SPEAK UP. I’ll speak for myself and others when I say that I won’t know what you need unless you tell me.
Here’s one that I’m still working on, and hopefully you can do as I say, not as I do. Take on only what allows you to maintain balance. Notice I did not say don’t take on more than you can handle. Many of you multitask well and work 28-hour days. If your family, schoolwork, personal life, and/or work life is suffering because of too many committments, then scale back. I am personally working with the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People to increase my balance. As a behavior analyst, that might be hard for some of you to fathom. In fact, much of what Stephen Covey says is not anti-behavioral. I’ll deal with that more in the coming months.
“But what about the children? What will happen if I’m not there?”
Chances are, you are a great clinician. But if you’re not comfortable or happy, there is probably someone out there who is a better fit. The family will be fine. I’m willing to guarantee that there is a family out there that you will “click” with. Remember, a family getting clinicians for 5 hours at 100% is getting the same intervention as a family that’s getting 10 hours at 50%. It’s not just about the hours, but the quality of those hours.
I’ll try to explore some of these thoughts in the coming months, along with how some of the things you are doing in your clinical work might help you in your personal persuits. Have a great month and talk to you soon!